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Posts Tagged ‘priorities

Finding my way

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Over the last month or so I have obviously done little blogging but I have done lots of thinking and reflecting on what it is that I am truly passionate about and whether I am putting my time and effort in the right place. Here is what I have concluded so far.

  • I have a job that not only pays the bills but 80% of the time is very rewarding.  Anything that takes me away from my daughter had better be extremely important.  I found that trying to build a blog was feeling like a second job with fleeting rewards.  The intensity of trying to post every day and comment on other blogs regularly left me distracted and not very available to my family even when I was home.
  • I don’t want to blog with the  agenda of building a business that will make money. Even if I committed every free moment, sure, I might make enough in a year to buy a new camera but at what cost. I have a job with a decent salary so if a camera is so important then just go buy it!
  • I want to connect with real people both online and in person who are interested in a friendship. I don’t want to comment on other sites in hopes they will comment on mine or their readers will comment on mine for the main purpose of building my traffic. I want to connect with  people who I can share with and learn from.
  • I want to be a photographer, no, I am a photographer. There I’ve said it. And I want to be a documentary photographer. There I’ve said that too. If I do anything with my free time, I want to be  capturing real  life in images. Through the last six months of blogging and reading others blogs, many about photography and creativity, I’ve realized what I love about photography is capturing honest moments, the ones that tell a story or ask a question. I’ve found an intersection between my creative life and my work life. Technically I am a clinical social worker but in essence I am a listener. My heart is filled with 20 years of the most amazing stories of resiliency, pain, reconciliation, grief, and love.  These are the stories of real life and I want to capture them in photographs and share them with the world.
  • I don’t need to quit my day job to be a photographer. In fact I really don’t want to run a photography business. I want to take pictures that will tell a story and maybe make a difference.  It will take some time away from my daughter, but I hope she will learn, by my example, to follow her dreams and live life passionately.

And here is the plan:

  • I have a dream and I need a dream team so I am going to seek out real live people in my community who I can share my ideas with, who will encourage me and guide me to realizing my dream and not giving up when I’m feeling like I’m not good enough.
  • I  am going to start blogging again but this time I’m going to blog about my creative journey with little mind to how many people are reading. I hope there are like minded people out there pursuing their own dream that will say hello and share their journey. I hope those reading will encourage me and remind me that I am good enough. I realized how much I need encouragement this past week when I shared with someone what I’m really passionate about and she said, without hesitation, “I think you would be really good at that!”  I couldn’t hold back the tears!
  • I’m going to get a new camera(as soon as I sell my old one!)
  • This blog is going to be about my journey to change the world in some small way through pictures  and not  about building a popular blog. Some of it will stay the same and some of it will change.
  • I am going to stop being afraid of getting out there and documenting the stories of the people living in my community: the struggling family, the elderly, the illegal immigrants, the everyday people, the unemployed, the uninsured.  They all have a story we can learn from.
  • My family will always come first. My husband and daughter are my first dream come true. Time with my daughter will stay my number one priority.  I will not spend my time with her distracted. I will carve out time to pursue this dream and move slowly forward. Some day she will be off pursuing her own dreams and then I can pick up the pace. Hopefully I’ve got another 40 years. I think that’s enough time!

And if you have a small dream whispering in your ear here are some of the people who have helped me realize mine and who I plan to continue to follow until my dream is a reality.

These are folks who will feed your creative soul! I’d give them each a big hug if I could!(look out, Tara, I know where you live!) And a big thanks(I’ve already hugged them a few times) to my husband, my mother, my father, Claudia, Heather, Heidi, and Marianne! Thanks for listening, encouraging and most of all helping so I can have the time to pursue my passions!

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Written by realmom

July 12, 2010 at 10:00 pm