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capturing the extrordinary moments in ordinary life

From infertility to adoption: a big step!

with 10 comments

So this is a scary post to write for so many reasons but it’s time. Until a few weeks ago we had only talked about adoption. Then I think I made it real by putting our likely plans on this blog! We went to an informational meeting last week and learned some of the basics of international and domestic adoption. It was alot to think about. The  first step: I have to stop trying to get pregnant!

We have been trying for two years, with one miscarriage(7 weeks) in the middle. That translates to 730 days of either taking my temperature, counting the days, giving myself a shot, getting an ultrasound (the unpleasant kind!), peeing on a stick, and we didn’t even do IVF! (If you wondering why, stay tuned for another post!)

We pretty much stopped all the medical interventions, as you might call them, before the miscarriage last spring. I’ve been working with an acupuncturist/herbalist the last several months but the lack of success is breaking the bank and our spirit! I made my last visit about a month ago but left the door open to return. The last few months I’ve been telling friends and family that I’m tired of all this effort. I’m ready to clear some space in my mind. Maybe that’s what starting this blog was about as it’s certainly taken up a large chunk of my mental energy!

Well, I surprised myself last week. It was cycle day 16 and the OPK was still negative(fertility lingo) and Real Dad inquired about “the plan”. When I basically had a meltdown got a little upset he suggested we just stop counting days and doing the OPK(ovulation predictor kit). Then he smiled and said “I think we’ll have more luck that way anyway”. I didn’t know why at the time but that really got under my skin. I know he meant well and was trying to relieve the pressure (That’s for you, hunny, if your reading!) but I felt like he was saying all the hoops I have been jumping through for the last two years were, what, for my jollies!

Needless to say, I realized that closing this chapter is going to be harder than I thought. When I think about all the love we have for Real Girl and all the love she has for us, I feel so strongly that our family is not done growing. It might be easier to stop trying if the adoption process didn’t sound like it’s going to be as much of an energy sucking roller coaster as we have already been on.

Part of me is not all that excited about the actual pregnancy part of being pregnant anyway. That would be the nausea, sleeplessness, fatigue (working full time through it all!) oh and of course the labor part(amazing and all but not fun!) Maybe this blog and some other exciting projects I have in mind are my spirit, psyche, whatever you want to call it, making a clearing so I can close this chapter with some peace and find renewed strength and excitement for a new chapter: adoption. And if your tempted to comment that once we stop trying we’ll probably get pregnant, please don’t. If I’m really going to move on, I can’t do it very well with a little voice whispering false hope in my ear! Please feel free to say something encouraging(I could use it!) just not that! Thanks!

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Written by realmom

March 6, 2010 at 10:49 am

Posted in Family, infertility

Tagged with ,

10 Responses

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  1. I wish you the very best in whichever way your family grows. You are a wonderful mom and it is obvious how much you adore Real Girl. Any child that joins your family will be really lucky.

    By the way, I really LOVE your blog!

    Samantha

    March 7, 2010 at 6:48 am

    • Thanks so much! I love this blog but it sure is tough to find the time to keep it up! harder than I thought it would be! I’m always amazed that you seem to post everyday! Writing doesn’t come easy to me so that probably doesn’t help! But thanks for the encouragement! It really helps!

      realmom

      March 9, 2010 at 9:29 am

  2. Good for you!!

    I am adopted, I have such respect for those who give kids who need it a great family and home!

    Mandy

    March 7, 2010 at 8:58 pm

    • thank you! When I read certain things about adoption I am sometimes left with more of a feeling that we would be taking a child from their family. It’s good to be reminded that some kids really need a great family and home!

      realmom

      March 9, 2010 at 9:27 am

  3. What an exciting journey this will be for you. I wish you all the best as you follow this path to growing your wonderful family.

    Mama Murtz

    March 8, 2010 at 7:22 am

    • Thank you! I’m hoping for more excitement and less stress!

      realmom

      March 9, 2010 at 9:23 am

  4. God has picked you to be parents, a very exciting and honorable role! He knows what children need you, you’ll meet them all in his time. You are on a very rewarding path. Keep your head up, cuz God wants to look you in the eyes.

    Heidi

    March 9, 2010 at 8:26 am

    • Very wise words! Thanks for the encouragement! Can’t wait to see you in April!

      realmom

      March 9, 2010 at 9:12 am

  5. Have you considered the foster-to-adopt program? We have a friend who wound up adopting three boys (biological brothers) that started out as foster children.

    My son is adopted, so I am a huge proponent of adoption … and domestic at that. There are so many children who need a loving home. I’m so happy you are willing to open yours up.

    Kelly

    March 9, 2010 at 9:44 pm

  6. Counting days and keeping track of temperatures is exhausting. It’s been a few years since I have done so, and I still have to try not to think about it. Don’t be hard on yourself during the adjustment period.

    brigidday

    March 17, 2010 at 10:17 am


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