real mom real life

capturing the extrordinary moments in ordinary life

A real moment in married time.

with 11 comments

“Do you want to do something after dinner?” I ask. He seems reluctant.

How do I let him know that I just want to be friends?

I don’t need to be entertained. I don’t want to go shopping. We’ve been running in circles all week, close but not together.

I need a friend.

I have plenty of coworkers. You know, the people who you could talk to endlessly about work related stuff but when you get together socially you realize you have nothing in common. The work week is over and I need a friend.

So I tell him. “I don’t really want to do anything. I just want to hang out with my best friend.”

He looks at me sideways. I think he gets it. “Yeah, that sounds good. Maybe we can go to the bookstore or something.” “Yeah” I say with a small smile.

I imagine us sitting in the cafe section as he stares into my eyes, acknowledging every thought, validating every feeling, listening. And I do the same.

I am disappointed before we even get there as that is a scene from our dating life, and the early years of  marriage, before the tasks of making a home and family engulfed us.

We walk into the bookstore and stop at the Best Sellers. “I’m going to get a coffee” I say.  “Ok, I’ll meet you in the movie section.” he says.

The coffee is bitter, obviously old, and hardly worth the $1.50 I paid for it.

I wander past him and tell him I’ll be in the self-help section. I’m looking for one of those books with all the affirmations, that  speaks to you like a best friend.

I find my book and look up to see he is in the nature section.  When I get to him he says “I think we should get your Mom a bird book for her birthday.” We look through a few together, wondering which she would like.

He wants to look in the travel section. He loves maps. We find two of those large leather seats. They’re close together but far enough apart so that if we were strangers we wouldn’t feel uncomfortable.

This is the first time in a while we have sat quietly, close together, not coordinating, negotiating, or bickering. It’s not a moment from the movies or a romantic novel but it feels real.  All I really want is to be known and still loved.

Well, no one knows me, the good and the bad, like he does. And yet he still wants to sit here, next to me.

My husband, my friend, my love.

This post is for {W}rite-of-Passage, Challenge #9, a weekly challenge to write well.

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Written by realmom

February 15, 2010 at 6:04 pm

11 Responses

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  1. Such a heart felt post and I think that there are lots of married folks (like me) who can relate!!

    I am glad my husband still wants to “sit next to me” after all these years too!

    Great post!

    CrAzY Working Mom

    February 16, 2010 at 2:33 pm

    • It’s funny. Many of the posts I read of others had the same theme. Good to know we’re not the only ones!

      realmom

      February 17, 2010 at 10:56 am

  2. SO great. It sound like you two are comfortable and still love each other and to me, that is the ultimate level of intimacy and companionship.

    I love that you go to bookstores – that what my hubby and I do on our dates, too. Dinner and movie is too much commitment plus you can’t talk so we do dinner and bookstore dates. Love them.

    Natalie at Mommy on Fire

    February 16, 2010 at 10:02 pm

    • It’s not easy sometimes but moments like this even though very small bring us back together!

      realmom

      February 17, 2010 at 10:59 am

  3. Your date to the book store sounds really comforting and warm. I look forward to nights like those when our children are older!

    Kelly

    February 17, 2010 at 5:11 pm

  4. Very thoughtful post – it started out palpably sad and somehow meandered back to content.

    Keep up the good work!

    Siouxmac

    February 20, 2010 at 12:11 am

    • Tryin’ to keep it real!! Thanks for reading!

      realmom

      February 20, 2010 at 7:02 am

  5. THank you for this post. I found it after seeing the sweet award you gave another of my favorite bloggers (http://mamamamaquitecontrary.blogspot.com/). Like with her, I am so grateful to hear of other couples whose lives as parents feel similar stresses, challenges.

    Your story of “connection” with your hubby made me tear up a bit. We haven’t really found a lot of that time, at least not in a truly relaxed mellow sense. But at the same time, it totally inspires me.

    And your blog in general inspires me to try to be more real and authentic with mine. So thanks for all the blessings finding your blog has given me. 🙂

    Amy Kelly

    March 8, 2010 at 2:54 pm

    • Well, I’m glad you found me! Part of why I started this blog is because so many of the one’s I was reading just made life sound so idyllic! No one ever seemed frustrated with thier kids and everyone was madly in love with their husband! Well, I find parenting and marriage has it’s challenges and I know there are other’s out there like me so I just wanted to be real! So easier said than done! I’m starting to understand why other mom blogs tend to eliminate the struggles. Some things I’m fine with strangers knowing but not so much with some family and friends. Isn’t that funny? I have to find a balance between being honest and maintaining some level of privacy. It actually helps me to look for the silver lining. I try to write about the cloud but then look for the silver lining and share that too. Well, I look forward to reading your blog too!

      realmom

      March 9, 2010 at 9:21 am

  6. PS Your “fake stuff blocked” is an interesting feature! I am afraid I would never have that on my blog…because the number of those posts outnumber the “real” ones! LOL!

    Amy Kelly

    March 8, 2010 at 2:55 pm

  7. You are so generous!

    I’d love some feedback on how to improve the little writing I get around to doing. 😉 I think maybe my unconventional approach to my blog might make it not a very suitable one for “public consumption”. 😉 Not that there’s anything “wrong” with it…
    But I’ve decided to make it my “baby book” of sorts….the place where I keep memories of things I want to remember and want the kids to know about someday…

    So I stopped blogging about a lot of “public” stuff…politics, etc. But at the same time, I do blog about those things if they really really matter to me, because I think they might enjoy someday, reading about what Mommy thought about some stuff going on in the world when they were babies…during the history of their world when they were young.
    And I even blog (or try to) on some of the harder stuff, to put into perspective some of the things they may remember/look back on as being “not so great” about their childhood. So they’ll have a bit more perspective on the things I wish I did better…in case maybe they will wish that too! LOL!
    One thing I know…I do find myself “editing” myself as I write…not writing it all…and I wonder if I need to just not approach those things, or find a more comfortable way to do so.
    Anyway…don’t know if any of this makes sense…but I wrote it anyway because you’re a mom, and I figure other moms here might relate too…thanks for being here! 🙂

    Amy Kelly

    March 9, 2010 at 9:41 am


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